The start.

Here's the problem with starting a blog.   You have to actually start one.  There has to be a first post.  The post.  The post that gives this blog meaning and direction.... but how do you start a blog about a struggle you don't remember the start of....

For those of you who don't know me or my struggle, I'm talking about weight.....It's something that I've struggled with my whole life, something my whole family has struggled with.  There's a family history of it all: diabetes, cancer, heart diseases, high blood pressure... you name it, it's there.  I could go on and on recounting the hows and whys of the up and down  (mostly up) journey of my poundage... and I'm sure that will get posted eventually, but for now I wanted to share why I had a serious mindset change about a year ago.

I was playing around with my daughter (then almost 2 yrs) while my newborn son took a nap.  I decided to pretend like I was sleeping.  She came up to me, and began to try to wake me up.  I continued to pretend to be asleep.  She again tried to wake me, and when I didn't respond, she began to cry. 

That moment changed everything.  I am a stay-at-home mom and all I could think was, "What if something really happened to me while I was home alone with them?  This is how she would react.  This is how scared she would be." 

Losing the weight was  no longer about fulfilling some impossible image ideal forcefed (no pun intended) to women via the media.  It wasn't about fitting into a certain size or trying to please anyone.  It was about her.  It was about my son.  It was about giving them the best mom I could be.  I didn't want to be the mom that isn't being an active part of their lives because I couldn't be active. 

So that day, I decided to lose it...

This blog is getting a late start in my journey (cut me some slack!  I was taking care of 2 little ones!), but I will try to remember and recount the steps along the way.  I still remember having a converstation with my husband about how impossible the journey seemed.  110lbs to lose.  How in the heck was I supposed to do it?  Where in the world was I supposed to start?  There was no way for me to get to a gym... how was I going to make it work???  I even remember posting on my Facebook page a request for inspirational quotes.  I think I actually asked something like "anyone has any good quotes for encouragement to overcome something that seems impossible." 

It wasn't until I finally gave myself the permission for this process to take a while (I gave myself 2 years to get to goal) that it seemed manageable.  110lbs in 2 years was doable....

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I have so much more that could have been said in this "first" post, but of course, the little one is stirring in his sleep...